


The Vampyr Squad Discord

by MsEnigma



Category: Vampyr (Video Game)
Genre: A little bit of Fluff is thrown in, Crack, Gen, I might add more characters later, Sean's only in this for like two chapters, This started as a joke but then people liked it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-07-18 15:24:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16121327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsEnigma/pseuds/MsEnigma
Summary: It has been a hundred years since Jonathan was turned into a vampire, and the Vampyr Squad are all in a Discord server together. Hilarity ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering that I have no idea how to actually make colored text happen on AO3, you're gonna have to pretend that everyone's usernames are in colors. What colors, you ask? Well, Jonathan's is meant to be blood red, Edgar's is meant to be cornflower blue, Elisabeth's is meant to be hot pink, and McCullum's is meant to be green. I would tell you the others, but I'm not doing that right now, considering that no one else appears in this chapter.

**The only sane person here:** Welcome to the group chat, you two.

  


( **ByTheStole** has joined the server)

( **Vampire Doctor** has joined the server)

  


**Vampire Doctor:** Elizabeth, what is this? And why is Edgar here?

  


**ByTheStole:** You figured it out that quickly? Really?

  


**Vampire Doctor:** You are the only person who ever uses that phrase, Edgar.

  


**The only sane person here:** Jonathan does have a point. Also, hold on a minute, I need to give you guys roles.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** What? What exactly are you doing, Elizabeth?

  


**The only sane person here:** Look at the sidebar in a couple seconds.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** ...Did you just give me the title of ‘Young Ekon’?

  


**The only sane person here:** That I did, young Ekon.

  


**ByTheStole:** I’m not sure I understand the context here. 

  


**The only sane person here:** Don’t worry about it, it’s just a joke between Jonathan and I.

  


**ByTheStole:** Lady Ashbury, why did you give me the role of ‘Resident Mad Scientist’? Not that I don’t like it.

  


**The only sane person here:** Because, Edgar, that is exactly what you are.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** Elizabeth, why did you title yourself ‘Queen of the Ekons’?

  


**The only sane person here:** Because do we know of an older female Ekon than myself? No, we do not.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** What, are you saying Lord Redgrave is the king of the Ekons then?

  


**The only sane person here:** ...Shut up.

  


( **Priwen will Prevail** has joined the server)

  


**Priwen will Prevail:** What in God’s name have you leeches invited me to?

  


**ByTheStole:** You invited McCullum?! What are you trying to do, Elizabeth?

  


**The only sane person here:** He’s apparently been quite civil to Jonathan ever since he got turned into one of us.

  


**Priwen will Prevail:** It’s been 100 years, and I’m still angry about that. Bloody leech.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** You wound me, McCullum. Truly. 

  


**Priwen will Prevail:** You can stop your sarcasm at any time, Reid.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** I don’t wish to do that, my dear hunter.

  


**Priwen will Prevail:** You do realize that I still know how to kill a leech, don’t you?

  


**Vampire Doctor:** You wouldn’t even dream of it, McCullum. You know you don’t hate me.

  


**Priwen will Prevail:** You turned me into a fucking leech, you bastard.

  


**ByTheStole:** Will you two stop that already? I swear you’re like children.

  


**Vampire Doctor:** That’s rich, coming from you.

  


**Priwen will Prevail:** I think I agree with Reid, which I really hate admitting. And why did you give me a role called Hunter?

  


**The only sane person here:** Jonathan calls you it all the time.

  
**Priwen will Prevail:** Goddamn leech doctor…  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, this actually was supposed to be a joke. I put this first chapter up in Vampyr discord server and the people there wanted more for some reason. I had fun writing the thing, so I obliged, and here we are.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sean's username is meant to be bright blue, if you want to know.

**ByTheStole:** The chat got silent all of a sudden since yesterday…

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I blame McCullum

 

**The only sane person here:** I know something that would really get on McCullum’s nerves if you two want to hear it, but I’d have to change my nickname to do it.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Oh? Do tell.

 

**The only sane person here:** I found Sean Hampton on here last night. I have no idea what he’s doing having Discord, but just imagine how annoyed the hunter would be at the prospect of censoring himself. (Besides, Sean’s a nice guy. I wouldn’t be opposed to having him here.)

 

**Vampire Doctor:** What do you mean you’d have to change your nickname to do that?

 

**The only sane person here:** I wouldn’t be the only sane person here anymore if Sean joined the server.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** … Are you implying what I think you’re implying?

 

**The only sane person here:** Probably, yeah.

 

**ByTheStole:** But why?

 

**The only sane person here:** Why am I the only sane person here? Well, let’s see, you started the entire Skal epidemic, for one thing.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** What about me and McCullum?

 

**The only sane person here:** McCullum’s way too obsessed with hunting vampires to be completely sane. You turned Edgar.

 

**ByTheStole:** That hurt, my Lady…

 

**Vampire Doctor:** She kind of has a point, actually. Who knows what epidemics you’ve caused over the last 100 years?

 

**ByTheStole:** I thought we were friends, guys.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** That hardly means I can’t call you out on being an idiot, Edgar.

 

**The only sane person here:** Yeah, what Jonathan said.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Wait, are you actually going to invite Sean to the server?

 

**The only sane person here:** Once I change my nickname, yeah. There’s no reason not to.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** If you do that, can you let me give him his role?

 

**The only sane person here:** I don’t know, why do you want to do that?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I have my reasons, Elizabeth. Please, it’ll only take five minutes?

 

**The only sane person here:** Alright, fine, but I swear if I regret this…

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Thank you.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Alright, I sent the invitation.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Your nickname… it’s accurate, yet amusing.

 

( **SeanH** has joined the server)

 

**ByTheStole:** Why did I expect his username to be more complex?

 

**SeanH:** Hello

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Hello, Sean

 

**SeanH:** I must ask, why did my name change color?

 

**Resident mom friend:** “Truly a saint”? That’s sweet, Jonathan.

 

**SeanH:** Pardon?

 

**ByTheStole:** Click on your name on the sidebar.

 

**SeanH:** Dr. Reid, I’m really not a saint. 

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I don’t mean it in the technical sense, Sean

 

**Resident mom friend:** I think he just means that you’re incredibly virtuous

 

**Vampire Doctor:** In all honesty, Sean is one of the most virtuous men I’ve ever met, if not  _ the _ most virtuous man. 

 

**Resident mom friend:** From what I know about you, he’s not exaggerating.

 

**SeanH:** You two think much too highly of me.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Nah, they’re pretty much right.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** See? Even McCullum agrees.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** What on earth do you mean by ‘even’ me, Reid?

 

**ByTheStole:** You’re you, McCullum. You know, the definition of gruff?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Better to be gruff than to be you, Swansea.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** … I mean that’s actually a fair point.

 

**ByTheStole:** Ouch, Jonathan.

 

**SeanH:** Are you all going to stop fighting now?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** This is hardly fighting compared to what we’ve all done to each other in real life, but I suppose I’ll try.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Reid and I got into an all out duel in Pembroke once. Reid technically killed me, really.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I do regret that now, you know.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Sure you do, leech.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Actually, he does, believe it or not.

 

**ByTheStole:** Seriously?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Yes, Edgar! 

 

**SeanH:** I thought you were all done with this?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Honestly, they’re never done with this.

  
**Vampire Doctor:** You wound me, Elizabeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented and/or left kudos on the first chapter! Also, just to let you know, there isn't going to be an update schedule for this. Sometimes I'll update two or three days in a row, other times I won't update for two weeks or so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Priwen will Prevail:** Reid just made the chat go silent for like an entire 24 hours jfc

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** You don’t have to rub it in, you know.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** I don’t have to, but I want to.

 

 **SeanH:** This truly does never cease, does it?

 

 **Resident mom friend:** No it does not.

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** It’s not as if you don’t join in.

 

 **Resident mom friend:** I do not claim to be a saint, Jonathan.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** I’d hope you wouldn’t. There’s only one saintly leech that I’ve ever heard of, and he isn’t you.

 

 **ByTheStole:** I would ask who you’re referring to, but I’m assuming it’s Sean?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Obviously. Who else would it be? Reid? He’s embraced at least five people.

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** Four people and Whitaker, actually.

 

 **ByTheStole:** Pffft

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** The fuck do you mean by that, leech?

 

 **ByTheStole:** Wait, do you not know what Whitaker did?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** If you mean anything besides being annoying and a bit of an arse, then no.

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** He was burning people alive, McCullum.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** What? Seriously?

  
**Vampire Doctor:** Yes, seriously.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write Sean Hampton well for very long to save my life. So, he left the server in between the last chapter and this one. As for everyone else's responses... I don't know, they probably DMed him or something. I apologize for that, but I was really struggling to write that man well for more than two chapters.

**Vampire Doctor:** Cat got your tongue, McCullum?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I… maybe.

 

**ByTheStole:** Maybe? You were definitely at a loss for words last night.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Shut up, Swansea.

 

**ByTheStole:** How about I don’t?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** ~~ Why exactly did you turn this bastard again, Reid? ~~

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Your men didn’t exactly give me much of a choice.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** The hell you talking about? 

 

**ByTheStole:** Your men practically murdered me. 

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Oh, come on, you of all people know that Priwen doesn’t kill humans.

 

**ByTheStole:** I thought I knew that, but then your men nearly caused my death. 

 

**Vampire Doctor:** To be fair, they might not have known just how much they were hurting you. I doubt McCullum’s men ever had extensive medical training.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Ouch, Reid.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** What? If they actually didn’t intend to kill Edgar, they must have been ignorant about the amount of damage they were really inflicting on him.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Are you saying that my men beat him up so badly that he nearly died? Damn. I mean I don’t like Swansea, but still.

 

**ByTheStole:** Considering that vampires are technically dead, you could probably say that your men  _ did  _ kill me. It was inevitable that I was going to die in some fashion.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Please enlighten me about this, Reid.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** When I found Edgar, he was so badly wounded that he would have died one way or another.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Alright, um, I did  **_not_ ** know about this. I suppose since all the men who did that are dead by now, I can’t exactly do much, but I do apologize on behalf of Priwen.  ~~ I can’t believe I’m apologizing to Swansea of all people ~~

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I can’t believe it either, really.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Um, sorry to burst in to this lovely conversation you three are having at the moment, but would you guys mind if I added a bot to the chat?

 

**ByTheStole:** Sure, why not?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I agree with Swansea, regardless of how much I loathe saying that.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Go ahead.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Alright, I’ll put the bot in.

 

( **Tatsumaki** has joined the server)

 

**Resident mom friend:** Before you guys start using it, I’m gonna program it to do something. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Alright, I’m back.  ~~ Why haven’t you guys said a word in like ten minutes? ~~

 

**ByTheStole:** Idk

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I’m not entirely sure either, to be honest. What did you program tatsumaki to do?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Watch and learn, young ekon:

 

**Resident mom friend:** leech

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**ByTheStole:** Oh my god, that is truly amazing, Elizabeth

 

**Resident mom friend:** Thank you.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Wait, what’s happening right now?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** ^

 

**ByTheStole:** leech

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**ByTheStole:** leech

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**ByTheStole:** You got the idea yet?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I… believe so. Hold on a second.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** leech

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Elizabeth, I love you so much right now.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Did you just program that thing to do what I think you programmed it to do?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Depends on what you think I programmed it to do.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** leech

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** ogrpawuhgipewjFUBeywiufbeoiwgfewiyawb

 

**Vampire Doctor:** ?

 

**ByTheStole:** I believe that’s McCullum being annoyed.

  
**Resident mom friend:** I’m pretty sure Edgar’s right. Please stop purposefully making tatsu do that now, though. I think we’ve all figured it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to find a way to justify adding Clarence to this for a while now. I mean, my Reid definitely murdered Venus, so I can imagine a fairly interesting conversation happening between him and Clarence. I know we got a conversation in the game, but I feel like a conversation over the internet would be a bit different. You know, since the two aren't in the same city anymore, much less the same room?


	5. Chapter 5

**Resident mom friend:** Edgar Griffith Swansea, please tell me you did not turn my daughter into a vampire.

 

**ByTheStole:** I didn’t turn your daughter into a vampire.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Okay, be honest about it.

 

**ByTheStole:** Seriously, I didn’t! You have to believe me!

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Wait, a leech has a child?

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** YOU SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING ROBOT

 

**Resident mom friend:** Jonathan, dear, I can hear you laughing from three rooms away.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I adore this bot. 

 

**Resident mom friend:** Of course you do. Now to answer your question, Geoffrey, I adopted her.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** You’re talking about Charlotte, I presume?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Yes. I have gained the knowledge that she is an Ekon, and I need to know who did it.

 

**ByTheStole:** And you immediately presumed it was me? For virtually no reason?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Well, you already betrayed me once, so can you really blame me?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I might be able to look into her for you? I mean I’d need a pretty detailed description of her, but… well, I just want to see if Swansea’s being honest or not, really.

 

**ByTheStole:** I’m not entirely sure why I’m wondering if Charlotte has a discord, but I’m wondering if Charlotte has a discord.

 

**Resident mom friend:** I’m not entirely sure why I’m not mad at you now, but I’m not.

 

**ByTheStole:** I’ll take that as a compliment.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Although I am wondering now too. It would certainly make it easier to ask her who turned her.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** How did you get this knowledge, anyway?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Old Bridget.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Old Bridget doesn’t know who turned Charlotte?

 

**Resident mom friend:** She didn’t exactly tell me in person, Jonathan. She did give me more proof than I honestly needed though.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I have no idea who this Bridget person is, but couldn’t you just, I don’t know, fucking ask her?

 

**Resident mom friend:** She didn’t know, actually. She knew a first name, but the guy’s first name was apparently John. Much too common of a name for my liking.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Are you even sure that Charlotte knows the man’s last name?

 

**Resident mom friend:** You do have a point there, young Ekon. I still have to try though.

 

**ByTheStole:** I wish you luck, my lady.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte's username is meant to be purple, by the way. Well, once she gets the role she gets, that is.

**Resident mom friend:** It took me four days, but I got my answer.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Oh?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Yes, and why has literally nothing happened in this server in those four days?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Honestly? I have no idea.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I don’t either, actually.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Anyway, I’ve invited Charlotte to the server, although the Ekon that turned her seems to have lied about his name...

 

**(BloodyNocturnal** has joined the server)

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Hey mom. Long time no see.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Hello, Charlotte. 

 

**ByTheStole:** Ah, hello Ms. Ashbury.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Hey.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Just out of curiosity, how on earth did you get an Ekon to turn you?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** I asked nicely.

 

**Resident mom friend:** I… I won’t get more than that out of you, will I?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Not in your wildest dreams.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Did… did you just give me the role of ‘Rascal’?

  
**Resident mom friend:** That I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly short chapter, I know. Also, after the next chapter, I won't be updating this fic as often as I have been. I have college work to do, and the next chapter is the last one that I wrote a while back. Anyway, I hope you guys are still enjoying this, and thank you to everyone who has left a kudos or a comment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Priwen will Prevail:** REID JUST FUCKING RICKROLLED ME. FUCK YOU, REID. GODDAMNIT.

 

**ByTheStole:** He’s done that to me quite a few times. Welcome to the club, McCullum.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Wait a minute, Dr. Reid  _ rickrolled _ you two? That’s hilarious.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** MAYBE TO YOU, LEECH.

 

**Tatsumaki:** Shut up, McCullum.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** grvhOUEGNVIRUW[GSN:VKJRW;hjv r;jV WLBJS,.ne qjof;nv

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Omg did he just keyboard smash? I love this server.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Elizabeth programmed the bot to do that, and it’s still one of the greatest things she’s ever done.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Thank you. Maybe.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Maybe?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Never mind. Now what’s this I hear about you rickrolling Edgar and McCullum?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** The ability to put songs into their heads is the best part of being their maker.

 

**ByTheStole:** He has also put other songs in my head.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Such as?

 

**ByTheStole:** … Barbie Girl

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** gg, Dr. Reid.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Are you fucking serious? Now I have to worry about THAT?!

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Don’t worry, hunter. Most of the annoying songs are for Edgar only.

 

**ByTheStole:** It took until the 1990s, but he finally made my vampirism an actual punishment.

 

**Resident mom friend:** What else has he done?

 

**ByTheStole:** That I can remember? That nyan cat thing, We Are Number One, and one time he put Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees in my head. Still not sure why he did that last one. 

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I had it stuck in my head earlier that night, and I decided to be nice just once.

 

**ByTheStole:** You got that stuck in your head in 2013? Really?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Yes, do you have a problem with that?

 

**ByTheStole:** No, of course not.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Hey, Swansea, is it possible to do this shit back to Reid?

 

**ByTheStole:** I’ve tried. I’m pretty sure it didn’t work.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of why I wrote this chapter is actually kind of great. In google docs, you can link a YouTube video, and there's no video preview or anything like that when you do. So of course the first thing I did with this information was rickroll a couple of people on the vampyr discord (we often share google docs on the server, so it didn't look suspicious or anything). I based McCullum's reaction off of the reactions of the people I got.


	8. Chapter 8

**Vampire Doctor:** Elizabeth dared me to watch Twilight with her. I regret doing it. A lot. 

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Holy shit, that is amazing. Good going, mom.

 

**Resident mom friend:** I’ll presume you don’t mean that sarcastically? Because I know you, Charlotte, and that is something that you would do.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Oh I know, I totally would. I’m actually a little sad that I wasn’t there to see Dr. Reid’s reactions.

 

**Resident mom friend:** I’m pretty sure he felt personally attacked by the end of it.

 

**ByTheStole:** I’m also sad that I wasn’t there.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I fucking hate agreeing with Swansea, but same.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Have you even watched it, McCullum?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Yes, sadly. 

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Well, this is certainly intriguing. How exactly did you of all people end up watching that pile of rubbish?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Like hell I’m telling you, Reid.

 

( **TheVampiresAreOutThere** has joined the server)

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** What the hell?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I… have no idea.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Don’t worry, I invited him on here.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Okay, but who exactly is he?

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** My name’s Clarence.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I… no, there’s no way. This has to be a coincidence.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** What are you talking about, Reid?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Nothing that concerns you.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Reid…? Like Jonathan Reid?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Yes… wait, Clarence Crossley? 

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** You two know each other?

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Yes. He killed my wife.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** She was murdering him, just to point that out.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Alright, that’s it, what the fuck is going on here?

 

**Resident mom friend:** You’re not the only person on the server that’s angry with Jonathan anymore.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** What did he do to you?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Turned me into a fucking vampire.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I take it you’ve learned not to say the L word anymore, McCullum?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Yes, you asshole. I have learned how to avoid that stupid robot.

 

**ByTheStole:** Tatsu is not stupid. Tatsu is great.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Hey, Dr. Swansea. How long have you been on?

 

**ByTheStole:** I just got on now. And please, call me Edgar.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Seriously? It’s not enough that Johnny’s on here? There has to be someone who I’m presuming is a member of the Brotherhood on here too?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** You don’t like the Brotherhood either? I think we’ll get along just fine, Clarence.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Honestly, I’m surprised he hasn’t left at this point.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Elizabeth, why?

 

**Resident mom friend:** What, why am I surprised he hasn’t left yet? Well, let’s see… he hates you, from what you’ve told me, and he also doesn’t like the Brotherhood.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** That… isn’t what I meant. 

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Let me guess, you meant something along the lines of “why are you giving him ideas?”

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I…. yes, that might be what I meant.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I’m just gonna guess that Clarence’s hatred towards you is more severe than mine is?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Well, I did kill Venus.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I’m assuming that was his wife? Also, what the fuck do you mean by she was murdering him?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** She was poisoning him. No idea what kind of poison, so don’t ask, but it would have killed him eventually. 

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Seriously? Damn, that’s just cruel.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** THANK YOU.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** I knew that his wife had been killed a vampire, but I didn’t know  _ that. _

 

**Vampire Doctor:** That she was poisoning him? Yes, I don’t imagine him mentioning that. Stupid bastard seems to think he deserved it.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** I… kind of did, Johnny.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Don’t listen to him.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I wasn’t  _ planning _ on believing that, you idiot.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Really? I mean, Jonathan isn’t wrong, but I didn’t think you of all people would believe him so quickly, McCullum.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I sort of presumed that Reid would kill anyone evil enough to deserve death.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Well, you aren’t wrong, hunter. Everyone I ever intentionally embraced was a terrible human being.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Most likely, yes.

 

**Resident mom friend:** When he told me about Venus, he was quite vocal about how upset he was with her.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** SHE WAS MURDERING MY BEST FRIEND

 

**Resident mom friend:** See? This is what I mean.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** So… dude thinks he  _ deserved _ to be poisoned to death? Am I hearing this right?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** You are.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Wait, what? Why would he deserve that?

 

**Resident mom friend:** He doesn’t. That’s kind of what we’re all saying.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** No, I know that. Just… why does he think that he deserved it?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I was his best friend, and even I have no idea.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Do we really have to do this here?

 

**Resident mom friend:** Jonathan could always DM you. 

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** But… I can’t just sit here and let him think that little of himself…

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Why not? It’s not as if it isn’t true.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** I don’t even know you, and I’m pretty sure that you’re wrong about that.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Agreed.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** He is wrong about that.

 

**ByTheStole:** I actually agree with McCullum on this one.

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Literally everyone here thinks you’re wrong, Clarence. Even McCullum.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** The fuck do you mean by that?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Oh, nothing…

 

**Resident mom friend:** What do we do about Clarence’s role?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Lord of Reddit. Seriously, go on Reddit and look his username up. He’s pretty much famous on a “vampires are real” subreddit.

 

**ByTheStole:** They have that?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** This is the internet, Swansea. They have everything.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Alright, role set.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** You made him orange?

 

**Resident mom friend:** You have a problem with that?

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** What do you mean?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** That orange color your username has now.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** So I’m checking out his Reddit right now. Charlotte’s right. He is practically a celebrity.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Wait, are you being serious? I have to go find this now.

 

**ByTheStole:** So do I. See you guys later.

 

**Resident mom friend:** Alright, fine, I'm curious now. I guess I'll go look at it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs evilly*

**BloodyNocturnal:** I just lost the game.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** What?

 

**Resident mom friend:** I am also confused.

 

**ByTheStole:** Ms. Ashbury, why would you do that?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Because I did lose it?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** What in the world are you two talking about?

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** FUCK YOU. NOW I LOST THE GAME AS WELL.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Okay, will someone please tell me what is going on here?

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** The Game, Johnny. Thank you for making me lose that, by the way, Ms. Ashbury…

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** Heh. Sorry, Clarence.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** What game?

 

**ByTheStole:** The game. You’ve never heard of it?

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I have no idea what game you’re talking about, so I’d presume that I haven’t heard of it.

 

**ByTheStole:** Ah, I see. Well, the goal of the game is to not think about the game. If you think about the game, you lose the game. You then have a cooldown period before you start playing the game again. You cannot escape the game. It is unwinnable. Also, you’re playing it now.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** I am?

 

**ByTheStole:** Yes. I was told that I have a half hour cooldown period, so you get a half hour cooldown period before you lose it. When you lose it, by the way, you have to announce it somehow if that is currently doable.

 

**Vampire Doctor:** Ah. Well, alright then. Why am I playing it though?

 

**ByTheStole:** Once someone knows what it is, they are automatically playing it. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

 

**Resident mom friend:** So am I playing it?

 

**BloodyNocturnal:** That you are, mom.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** So, um… how the fuck did you get turned into a vampire, Clarence?

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Quite an abrupt topic change…

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Yeah, well, I’m trying not to lose the fucking game again in about half an hour. So answer the question.

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** You could always ask nicely.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** Alright, fine, will you please tell me how the fuck you got turned into a vampire?

 

**TheVampiresAreOutThere:** No. I really don’t want to talk about it.

 

**Priwen will Prevail:** ... Are you fucking kidding me right now?

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**ByTheStole:** Is it just me or has this server been a little _too_ quiet for the past two months?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Nah, it ain’t just you, Swansea.

 

 **Resident mom friend:** Yeah, I’ve noticed it too. Isn’t it 2019 now, by the way?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Ah, yeah, I suppose it would be, wouldn’t it?

 

 **BloodyNocturnal:** Yup. It’s 2019. Happy belated new year, everyone.

 

 **ByTheStole:** Happy new year to you too, Ms. Ashbury.

 

 **BloodyNocturnal:** Thanks, Edgar.

 

 **ByTheStole:** So, um, how’s Jonathan?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Of course that’s what you’re concerned about.

 

 **ByTheStole:** And what do you mean by that, McCullum?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Oh come on, everyone knows you’re a Reid fanboy.

 

 **Resident mom friend:** I mean, he has a point, Edgar.

 

 **BloodyNocturnal:** From what my mom’s told me, you more or less have a vampire kink, Edgar. And a completely noticeable crush on the good Dr. Reid.

 

 **ByTheStole:** I do not!

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** No, you kind of do, Edgar.

 

 **ByTheStole:** Are you serious? Even you, Jonathan?

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** Yes, Edgar. Even me.

 

( **Hierophant** has joined the server)

 

 **ByTheStole:** Um, hello?

 

 **Hierophant:** Hello, Edgar.

 

 **ByTheStole:** Who are you? How do you know me?

 

 **Hierophant:** I'm the man who could have put the ban on you a century ago. And probably should have.

 

 **ByTheStole:** … Usher?

 

 **Hierophant:** That is correct.

 

 **ByTheStole:** How are you alive?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Ha! I knew you weren’t human, Talltree!

 

 **Hierophant:** I’m not a vampire, Mr. McCullum. Although I’m not human either, so I suppose I have to give you that.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** What the hell are you then? How the fuck do you know who you’re talking to, anyway?

 

 **Hierophant:** Neither of things are any of your concern.

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** What are you doing here, Usher?

 

 **Hierophant:** Some things are best left unknown, even to immortals.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Talltree, what the fuck?

 

 **ByTheStole:** I believe that’s him saying he’s not gonna tell us.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Yeah, I got that.

 

 **TheVampiresAreOutThere:** Who are you? I mean I got your name, but…

 

 **Hierophant:** The Primate of the Brotherhood of Saint Paul’s Stole.

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** Damn it, Usher. Now he’s probably gonna leave the server.

 

 **Hierophant:** That would hardly be my fault, Jonathan. I’m not forcing him to do anything. Actually, who is he?

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** I’m surprised you don’t already know somehow.

 

 **Hierophant:** The cards don’t tell me _everything_.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Oh god, your stupid cards again.

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** You can always just scroll up a little bit, Usher.

 

 **Hierophant:** True. I could.

 

 **Resident mom friend:** Honestly, you’ll probably be glad you did. Because I doubt Jonathan’s going to admit how right your cards apparently were about someone.

 

 **Hierophant:** Ah, so Clarence was married to the snake, was he?

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** What?

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** I actually hate myself for laughing right now.

 

 **Priwen will Prevail:** Will someone please tell me what the fuck is happening?

 

 **Vampire Doctor:** I had a lot of spare change when I first met Usher, and I decided to let him read his cards for me. I wasn’t actually going to take it seriously, mind you. I was merely curious. Anyway, he asked me who I wanted his cards to tell me about. I just told him the first name that came to mind, which happened to be Venus. The card he drew was the snake. He explained what it meant, and a couple of days later, after I had killed Venus, I realized just how right his cards apparently were. I’m still not entirely sure if it was simply a coincidence or not, to tell you the truth.

 

 **Hierophant:** It was no coincidence, Jonathan.

  
**Priwen will Prevail:** Yeah, that doesn’t mean much coming from you, Talltree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, I actually didn't abandon this thing.


End file.
